quinta-feira, 4 de setembro de 2014

MAC-HOW: The revenge of the Kasinoids

Greetings...I'm LEO KHARDOID, survivor of the war of the Kasinoids, that devastated the city of MAC-HOW. Sorry I look a little bit bloated and greenish. Nuclear holocaust might do that, you know? Given you don't get the right sunscreen lotion. Now listen to the account of the last days before the end of MAC-HOW. Or read, whatever (smartass).

MAC-HOW...the year is 2055. Too soon? Ok, 2132. Better, that way there won't be anyone around to say I was wrong about the future, like Carlos Morais José, when he wrote in his 1991 book "O Porto Interior" that in few years the thai community of MAC-HOW would be so strong they might even elect a representative, whilst the filipinos were likely to be gone with the portuguese in 1999. Ah, ah, ah, you were wrong! And guess in which newspaper he published the articles compiled in that book? In "Tribuna de Macau". Shocking! Oh, oh, oh. Ahem, so how did we get in this mess?

Just a few years before, the city looked doomed. MAC-HOW has lost its battle against pollution, overcrowding, gridlock. The one we see in the photo looking proud at the shit he did is coronel Cyber-Wong-Wan, galactic master of Traffic Division, formerly known as DSAT. Matter of fact, that's Cyber-Wong-Wan III, as the original was big enough to be divided into five cyborgs, who rule the five corners of that triangular sieged city that was MAC-HOW, and...oh wait. Five...triangle...I don't know, I guess there were two of them in one or another corner, hey, who cares, it's the apocalypse not some stupid Geometry class.

Elsewhere, in the pits of COTAIRIA, which was how they called whatever was left of COTAI area, the humanoid army of Kasinoid leaders CyberWynn and CyberAdelson were fighting for the ultimate prize: THE GALAXY (not the casino, but the Galaxy, you know, Milky Way and stuff?). The war went on for ages, so long no one remembers what it started it...six days before. Legend says CyberCoutinho, emperor of AUTOFPM, went there to claim a slot-machine prize the Kasinoids refused to pay to a costumer, followed by his Function-aries Pub-lick-ohs. Hell went loose that day...

Meanwhile, unaware of the threat, unaware of academic censorship, unaware of the electoral spectrum, unaware of anything 5 ft. above the ground, cyber-teacher AGS-LM was distracting the young ones with the irrelevant conclusions of her pointless researches. "After this very expensive...beep!...done by my team and I...beep!...for the past seven months...beep!...we concluded that if you go out in the rain without an umbrella...beep!...there's a 67% chance you get wet...beep!" 

Also somewhere in the city, about to meet its doom, cyber-journalist model J.R. DIGITS was writing his last paper, asking MAC-HOW residents not to trust the news about the imminent apocalypse, as the thousands of warnings were actually the work of the same group, the DEMONKRATS.

...and this despite the warnings of agent FIREHEAD, who had reliable information that the Kasinoids have hire the ISLAMOTRONS to destroy MAC-HOW. How now, brown cow?

In the beach of HACK-SAW an innocent girl was sitting in a rock with a doll, when a few seconds later...

                                                                               THE END?

1 comentário:

Salvador disse...

Dude, do you even English?!